Thursday, August 18, 2005

survey says......


We got the thumbs up from the ABA team for opting out of preschool for now.
I have been praising God all afternoon. More in weepy gratitude than dancing joy, but I know that will come. It will definitely come.
OMgosh. I can't even describe it.
When I told Jimmy he said that as he thought about the possibility more and more he felt ever encouraged that this would be the right thing, God's will for us all at this time. Once I told him the good news he said, "Oh Susan. A weight I did not even realize I was carrying has just been lifted off my shoulders." I could hear and feel the emotion in his voice.
Ya'll, this will be so good.
For months I have been struggling with a fatigue like I have never known. Soul weary. I started out telling myself to, "Buck up!" Then when I couldn't I started looking around and figured that Jimmy needed to get with it (and he did need to), but that didn't help much either. Then I figured it was "this, that, or the other thing," with the girls. Finally, by his grace, and the many prayers of those who love us, it was one question uttered during a lunch date with a friend that opened my eyes. What needed to change was what I was doing. Not because what I had been doing was wrong, but it was no longer necessary. I am so narrow in my vision, I don't know if I could have seen that there were possibilities, alternatives on my own.
Praise the Lord, that he does not lose his faith in me like I so quickly can in him. Interestingly, and I hope I can learn something from this aspect of the trial, is that while I am pretty certain the timeline for my closing shop would have been the same, the burden could have been lifted much sooner if I would have been willing to let it go. Man alive am I ever what Oswald Chambers refers to as an "unintelligent wadge that refuses to be enlightened." Or even more piercing is this:
"Never disregard a conviction that the Holy Spirit brings to you. If it is important enough for the Spirit of God to bring it to your mind, it is the very thing He is detecting in you. You were looking for some big thing to give up, while God is telling you of some tiny thing that must go. But behind that tiny thing lies the central citadel of obstinacy, and you say, "I will not give up my right to myself," the very thing that God intends you to give up if ever you are to be a disciple of Jesus Christ." *

So, PTL and a weary and humble thank you to all of my prayer warriors.
We may not be Ozzie and Harriet, but the next semester we'll at least get to figure out our family's version of it.
I can't wait!

*For the full text click here:


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