Tuesday, October 04, 2005

open letter to the moderator of the HFA forum


I am sorry that the "Top Ten" post I made in the 'Humor' forum was so terribley unwelcome and dare I say it? Misunderstood in it's intent. But I should know better, given what the ubiquitous 'they' say about where the road of best intention leads....
I am thoroughly chastened. Well maybe not thoroughly, but I will sincerely practice greater restraint if and when I post here in the future.
In other words, enough already.

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Later that same day....

Of course I can't leave it alone....so I had to reply to 'her':

I did see that program. I found her to be very insightful and articulate and I was grateful that she had been freed from the fetters of her autism enough to be recognized as an intelligent human being with emotions and feelings and the ability to learn a number of intellectual facts, with perfectly functioning reasoning skills and capable of developing some behavioral stratagies that would permit her more freedom still from the "awful autism," as she so achingly described it. I am not unfamiliar with the differing outlooks within the autism community about the disorder and what it means to the spectrum of people affected by it within that community. I am not yet entirely familiar with how my own daughters will feel about it. I pray that they will find a way to accept themselves as the perfectly designed children of God that their dad and I believe that they are. Right now, they have to work a lot harder than it seems most kids their age do to gain enough self-control and understanding of this wacked out world they were born into to participate to whatever degree they are able and willing to do so as they mature. Until they can tell me how they feel though, we just muddle through learning together about what works for them and what doesn't and when we hit a brick wall we try to determine how high it is then whether or not there is a way over it, if it is an absolute necessessity that they learn how to scale that wall, or if there is a way around it. Or if there might be some flexibility in that area of life later, then sometimes we just take a step back and say, "Well then, not right now anyway. Maybe we'll try this again in the future."To me, that "Top Ten" bit was rye and rueful, but humorous and if it was written by a person filled with self-loathing and for the sole purpose to ridicule himself and how he lives with his disorder then I didn't get that from it at all. However, it was very good for me to see that someone else read it completely differently because as I have learned along this fantastic journey (so far) that I am not that great at considering another person's perspective myself and this is a stunning instance of just how profoundly disabled I can be in that area. That I need to be mindful of that fact as I deal with my two very different yet strangely similar precious daughters on their fantastic journey and of other's quite possibly differing perspective that we will meet along the way.I reiterate my previous apology and add a sincere and unsardonic thank you for responding because I have learned something from you tonight. You were kind about it and I really appreciate that too.

The only reason it bugged me is because she struck me as condescending in the way she upbraided me, as if I just fell off the turnip truck on my way to the HFA board, KWIM? Granted, I am not well known there, but I thought I had been around long enough to have earned my chops. In fact, I know I have hence my reply.Whatever. I shouldn't care. It's just a little ego bruising, no one got hurt. But I am shamefully attached to my pride at times.

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