Monday, December 26, 2005

yeah, yeah, yeah....

I know I have said this before, but I am not generally a sadsack. However, the timing of my starting this blog has coincided with a sort of crash and burn of my 'Super Autism Mom' identity. I hate it. I want to be an energizer bunny. I was so good at it for almost two years that I was fairly convinced that I was. But, the last few months have proven otherwise. I am a mess. I hate it, but it's true. No one in my real life (or what passes as such) knows what to do with me now. I am figuring out that no matter what they say/said, they liked me nice and tenacious (from a saefe distance). Tenacious and "Go get 'em tiger"
'Susan your fire and passion is beyond reason, burgeoning on obsession.'
Yup, they loved to point that out, but since my crash, I believe they are rethinking their rush to warn and console, KWIM?
I don't entirely blame them. I was able to keep it up for so long that they have been thoroughly duped and my recent discovery of what a charade it has all been just seems to confuse and irritate those who 'love' me.
I realize that the difficulties my girls face are ulitmately their cross(es) to bear, but right now it feels like mine and mine alone. Suddenly dh wants to get involved and while that is so great, and I really mean that)it is GREAT. But there is a part of me that wants to say, 'Oh YEAH? Where were you when it was hard? Really, really hard? Nice of you to step up now that they are managable. Now that I have read tens of thousands of pages of literature and spent thousands of hours in meetings and therapy sessions, it is so great that you are suddenly ready to read the fu***** Cripps notes and not only think you are an expert in handling them, but also in handling me!'
OMgosh! I just went off. I am so sorry. I should probably stick it up my astricks.



Blogger Stegbeetle said...

I think that the part of you that wants to say "OH YEAH! etc" should probably be allowed to.
Gotta let it out sometime or it'll eat you up!
Happy New Year, or so we hope!

10:12:00 AM  

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