Monday, June 21, 2004

"Sleeps, Wakes, an Explosion: a Life Called Autism"

I thought this was such a good summary of a day in the life. Not every day day, of course.

Exerpts from:

He Sleeps, He Wakes, An explosion, a life called AUTISM
by: Leigh Stutesman

He sleeps.. he wakes up is sweet then something happens & WHAM!! POW!! BANG!! An explosion goes off & the meltdown of the volcanoes begins. What sets it off?? maybe he's thirsty, maybe someone is watching a show he doesn't want to watch. he can't go outside & get in the mud, or maybe just maybe nothing that you or I can see has set it off again. So, he yells & screams & cries & sometimes slams doors, or kicks & stomps & says hateful things. "I hate you mommy". "just go away". "I don't love you anymore" "I don't care!" but you stay strong & you don't take it personally. You know it's not your fault he's acting that way. he's autistic, and he sees the world in a different way then you or I.

He fights & gets mad then curls up in your arms and cuddles like an infant. His arms wrap around you and you rock, and rock and whisper songs in his ears. he says "I love you mommy" and you cry.. you try to hold back the tears but you cry.. you close your eyes & you pray to God that something will change & he won't always be this way.

You pray for him to have a successful life.. you pray he can eat like a normal 5 year old instead of like a toddler. you pray that one day he'll take a shower or a bath and actually get clean without your help. You pray he can go outside without worrying that the other kids will pick on him or wonder if he's getting into trouble.

You want just one, one day of normalcy. one day where your biggest concern is if he eats his dinner or brushes his teeth. one day where you don't have to wonder if his siblings are handling it okay or if the meltdowns and constant life revolving around their brother is effecting them and not in a good way.

Then when you're done praying you stand up, clean up from the day, and then watch him sleep. You see your angel sleeping and finally, at peace with the world. when he sleeps he's calm, and he's an angel. he's not a label or a headache or a child you just don't understand. he's your baby. your love.. your miracle.. and he just so happens to have a label of a puzzling disorder called "autism".

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