open letter to the mom who thought pets were an appropriate party favor....

They are not.
It may be very creative and "fun" to give fish as party favors after a Nemo themed birthday, but it is wildly presumptuous.
And did you have to insist that we take one for Emma Jean too? She wasn't even in attendence. She just came to pick Abby up. Oh yes, thank you so much, she was delighted for about three days.
I just wanted to drop you a line and tell you that I think of you everytime I am cleaning each of our four fish bowls. (That's right, we already had one Beta and a frog and some goldfish). Oh and when everyone died for no apparent reason and I had to make up a reason that they were gone so Abby would not have a mamouth anxiety attack, I thought of what a gift your creativity was.
Thanks for sharing.
And everytime she panicked over their whereabouts after that and I had to answer the same series of questions about them over and over, I was reminded again of how much fun you are.
And when subsequently, weeks later Abby woke up sobbing in the middle of the night out of worry over those damn fish, I thought of you yet again.
Today, whiling away 25 minutes at my neighborhood Wal-Mart, waiting on someone, ANYONE, to come help me get some replacement fish. I thought of you once more.
I thought to myself, "She is so fun. I have to get her son over to the girls' b-day party. It will be a safari theme and I've got a beautiful red-butted baboon picked out just for him. And I even went ahead and got one more for his brother."
Aren't I so creative? Isn't that fun?